


Heaven Sent

by ontaemin



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Angel!Jinki, Angst, Drama, M/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 07:04:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7705147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ontaemin/pseuds/ontaemin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The summer child, big dreams, big heart. A gentle voice and a gentle demeanour. He caused no harm and stirred no waters. He loved his parents. Loved his God. And loved every soul as if it were his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Sent

**Author's Note:**

> AU where every person is assigned a guardian angel from birth, and Jinki is Taemin's. 
> 
> I'm really not sure where this came from to be honest... I usually don't write things like this so I'm surprised at how it turned out. I do really enjoy writing about religion and comparisons to God/angels/etc (if you've read my other stuff you'll understand), but this is a bit different than that, but I'm happy with it. I've had this plot floating around for awhile and I really didn't think I could write it because it's not really my ~type~ of fic, but that's always a good thing. Writing things you're not use to strengthens you as a writer, I suppose. I hope everyone enjoys ~ thank you for reading if you do! ^^ xx
> 
> TW for: death, violence, child abuse, and religious themes.

The first time Jinki had questioned the Lord was late in the winter of Taemin's 17th year. He has asked - so politely, so gently, knowing he had never asked for a favour once before, knowing the Lord knew as well as him and any other angel that Taemin of all people deserved at least one miracle, especially then. Jinki had asked the Lord to allow him to help just once, he had asked to let his voice be heard by the young boy in his time of need. When the boy had stuffed his face into his pillow for the third time that week and screamed until he felt like his throat might bleed, still believing that to be preferable to his regular pain. But the Lord had denied the request as if it were arbitrary. Jinki had sat on his knees to submit himself before God and all he had to say was that there were people more deserving than a teenager struggling with life at home. Jinki bit his tongue knowing better than to talk back to his creator, but somehow around his teeth, from his stomach, though every inch of him knew better, resentment stained the inside of his mouth like stolen wine. For the first time in Jinki's life he felt an emotion other than adoration for the Lord, and it seemed justified. 

The boy wasn't like anyone Jinki had ever seen. Ages and ages Jinki spent as a casual observer, awaiting the day he would be assigned someone to watch over, but none of those he witnessed even began to compare to Taemin. And in watching Jinki saw as other angels failed to fulfil their duties - slacking off to fool around, neglectful supposed caretakers, lazy and seemingly unfit for the task they were born into, it sickened him. Though all angels were made in the image of God and held as higher beings than humans, they still had faults. The only perfect one was the Lord himself and no one was to compare. Angels had to learn to guide those they watched over and every once in awhile a few weren't too keen on doing so, and when these angels were finally assigned they wouldn't pay enough attention to whom they were meant to look over, ultimately letting their minds and bodies fall into the wrong hands. And if it had gotten too bad, they would be cast out of heaven with all the others who were unworthy of God's grace, to live amongst mortals seeing as though they seemed to like living frivolously anyways. By seeing this Jinki had been determined to not let that happen. 

The day Taemin was born was the most nerve wracking, exciting day of Jinki's life. He had known the date for years, silently counting off the days until he could finally put himself to use, hoping whoever he had been assigned to was a good person in their heart, hoping if not, he had the prowess to steer them from evil even if it proved difficult. And despite him being a child - an infant, hardly able to think or move or even hold his head up, Jinki's heart still flooded with joy as he was birthed without complications, as his mother held him tight to her chest with an exhausted sigh and he had stopped crying instantly. Jinki knew as those big black eyes stared up at his mother, that this boy was probably more deserving of the title angel than himself. 

The summer child, big dreams, big heart. A gentle voice and a gentle demeanour. He caused no harm and stirred no waters. He loved his parents. Loved his God. And loved every soul as if it were his own. He prayed every morning and ever night, knelt beside his small, twin sized bed with a rosary clutched between his fingers. Kind words that started as a child - please keep my mother safe, please help my brother with his struggles in school, please let everyone be as happy as they deserve and forgive those who had been contemptuous towards the Lord. From barely understanding these words to truly believing them - from six to sixteen - he had been every loving, ever sacrificing, and ever submissive for the Lord who would not even hear his one prayer for himself. "Lord, please stop making it hurt."

Jinki wondered how the Lord could have let this happen - how He could have placed someone who He Himself might confuse as one of His angels in a world full of those who didn't appreciate him, an earth filled with people who's angels were led astray from them, leading them to cause the harm that they did towards the one who seemed to have the only dedicated guardian. As a mid teen had been made an orphan in less than a few seconds - before his eyes as he watched blood pour from his mother's skull and his father's chest. Shards of glass lay against their cheeks as if tears fallen from the heavens, from the eyes of the angel who did not watch over the driver responsible for the catastrophe. Weeping their apology over the two children's parents lifeless bodies, Taemin's eyes shielded by an older brother who's body seemed nearly frigid, still - cold, in the heat of burning vehicle. 

It was sickening to see someone so benevolent hurt so needlessly. Hurt by the death of his parents and by rejection after rejection from possible foster parents. "Too skinny." They often snarled. "Too scrawny." They hadn't wanted a child to love but a worker to not pay. Not a replacement for what they lacked biologically but financially. Taesun had been smiled at so often, a strong build, tall, mannish - a perfect son and a perfect working. The perspective parents had held a good word that the kids would be leaving that day, before they laid their eyes on the younger of the two. The boy only a slight bit shorter than his brother stood up as tall as he could manage, puffing his chest out as best he could as his collarbones poked out sharp and obnoxious from below his shirt. And they could not just have one, so Taemin was always a deal breaker. But Taemin forgave those who did not pick the boys. 

"You ruin everything, you fuck up." Taesun had spat after the fourth couple in the past month had called off a deal when they caught a glimpse of Taemin's knees from under his shorts. "Can he even support his own body weight on those legs?" The man had asked, following a tsk of agreement from his wife. "Your scrawny little ass is keeping me from leaving this hell hole, do you know that?"

And the words stung. Taemin was human, after all, and he could not turn his back to words so harsh from the only blood relative he had left in this world - but Taemin forgave. He always did. As Taesun rolled over on his creaky mattress across their hopefully temporary bedroom Taemin knelt at the side of his own bed, with a rosary between those feeble fingers. Taemin forgave his older brother because he had every right to be angry, he forgave the cruel words because his brother did not mean harm, but only was expressing his disappointment in the situation. Taemin understood, and forgave. 

And the benevolent did nothing but forgive. He forgave and forgave and forgave until his belief that every person was good transformed into the belief that he was not. As the two boys, now 16 and 17 made their way into a stark white farm house they were meant to call home, Taemin felt a smile crawl across his face, only realizing its existence when his brother had mirrored it, wrapping an arm around the shorter boys slim shoulders. And Taemin had done nothing but hope. He hoped that this was a turning point as he set foot in a small, attic bedroom, two beds lining opposite walls similar to the layout of the foster home but so much more alive. Hand quilted blankets Taemin ran his fingers over, feeling an ounce of love from every stitch in the fabric. A wooden cross perched between the two twin sized beds on the wall to remind the boys that this was a house of God, and would remain pure as God would want. And Taemin hoped so. Jinki hoped so, too. 

Taemin kept hope in his chest every moment he could. Hope that a new school would treat him well, hope that he could make his foster parents proud, hope that maybe tonight, he had worked hard enough to not feel a lash of leather against his bare bottom. And that hope Taemin held onto became nothing more than a catalyst for the forgiveness he would give to his foster father, to the kids as school. That hope did nothing but assure Taemin the opposite would happen. And Jinki wept as the bruised boy was spat at again that night. Shoddy work, not home on time, poor grades - often nothing but a release from his foster father when things had gone wrong in his own life. But Taemin assured himself, forgiveness was the only way to let light into this evil man's heart. As Taemin sat back on his heels he winced in pain, fingers perched gingerly below his chin as the name of the man who was suppose to take care of him spilled across his lips in a plea to allow him to find God's words, to be as forgiving as himself. 

But the more Taemin forgave the more those who hurt him did not let up. And Taemin began to wonder if his word to God had really gotten through. Or maybe if he had been praying for the wrong thing. 

A boy who had done nothing but good sobbed into his pillow, as silent as he could manage only a few feet away from his peacefully sleeping brother. He shouldn't disturb someone with something as arbitrary as realizing he was in the wrong, Taemin thought. And Jinki felt every inch of his being light with the fires of anger. 

Jinki listened to his prayers and did his best to answer them through the Lords written word. Jinki tried to let Taemin know that it wasn't his fault - he wasn't the bad one. The kids who kicked his ribs in at school and the false father figure who called him a pussy for it were the ones in the wrong. They were the ones who's angels were led astray, the angels Jinki had hated for all his life. Jinki tried to let the boy know that nothing he did warranted the abuse he received, but Taemin continued to sob into the night. 

It was his fault, he thought. It was his own damn fault for letting himself receive lashes and letting others hate him. It was Taemin's fault and he had not been sure of what he had done, but no other explanation could warrant what the world had done to him. He questioned, so feebly, "Lord, if man is inherently good, then why must they hit me? Why must they curse me? My Lord, if man does not do anything without reasoning, am I the one at fault?" Taemin cried - and cried and cried, from the physical pain he endured from his foster father and from peers and the ever growing mental pain that grew because it over time. He cried because he began to truly believe what he got was what he deserved. And not once did Taemin condemn a soul but himself. 

And how could an angel - someone who's life was dedicated to the betterment of humanity - look past the soul of this supposed father figure mutilating someone who was not even able to defend themselves. These angels had been chosen by their God to look after His children, yet somehow their own selfish needed seemed more important than the wellbeing of a hardly pubescent boy suffering at the hands of the one meant to love him. And bile ate away at Jinki's teeth as he sat beneath the stare of his God. A remark Jinki would nearly deem as snide if he was being honest about how he did not have any say in the lives of those he did not watch over - it was not Jinki's responsibility to say whether what his non-assigned soul did or not, and he should not ask for a miracle to someone less deserving than others. If Jinki hadn't been speaking to the Lord Himself he would swear what he had heard would be considered blasphemous. Because no soul was worth more than another. 

Jinki wept for him. Because the love that Jinki had grown for the boy was much stronger than he ever expected he would have. The love all the other angels had seemed nearly like a business relationship - it was their job to keep their assigned soul safe and it was said soul's job to help make it easier for them to do so. But Jinki did not see Taemin as a job or a burden but a blessing. Every morning when the young man knelt against his rickety bed frame Jinki could speak directly to him, though the voice of the Lord he was meaning to convey. He would pray for strength that day and curse a bit to himself for being so selfish and putting his needs before others, before going on to pray for all those in his life, and how he wanted things to improve for them. The only connection Jinki was allowed to feel was when he placed his hands over the boys head. He could never feel it, really - not real fingers pressed against raven hair but the presence of something holy, yes. Against the crown of his head Jinki pressed his own, pressing a kiss against his hair to hear a sigh from those pretty lips, unaware that his sudden confidence and self assurance came from the unseen angel above him. That Taemin's will to stand and move throughout his day came from his guardian angel, from the one who loved him the way nobody else did. 

"Why do you just let that happen to you?" Taesun snarled as Taemin flattened his back against the wood of their bedroom door, body sore from another punishment for forgetting to lock the stable door. "Do you have any backbone?"

The younger sibling did not reply, only let the words slide off him like he let the leather whip against his skin. He sunk to his knees before his bed, hearing a scoff from his brother. 

"You're praying, really? Clearly God doesn't give a shit about you, Taemin. Look at your fucking back. Do you think he'd let that happen to you if he loved you?" 

For the first time in Taemin's life he found himself without a calm mind to verbal abuse. For the first time he did not immediately forgive his brother for his misguided words but rather spun around in a haste, a deathly glare that shook his big brother to his core. "The lord loves me." He spat. "The lord loves me. And maybe he would love you too if you weren't so flagrant towards him."

Taesun's shock slowly dissolved into guilt as he stared at his younger brother, so feeble still in his position of submission before the lord. "Oh my god... Taemin, you're fucking crazy." He said nearly sympathetically, though Taemin couldn't really take it sincerely with a curse word and an offensive title. "Taemin, if the Lord loves you so much for your dedication, then why don't I have lashes on my ass?" 

Taesun had soft eyes. The softest they had been since the accident, when he turned to Taemin to let him know that everything would be okay - that they still had each other. And those soft eyes bled into Taemin's until his vision of the elder was blurry with tears. "He loves me." Taemin murmured weakly, still a shred of hope in his heart that the brother he had trusted so dearly was lying. But much like his own, Taesun's eyes could not conceal the truth. Taemin bowed his head, not for God anymore, but for himself, as he let a sob rip through his small body. The Lord did not love him. But God, did Jinki ever. 

For the longest time Jinki always believed those who lost faith in God had had an angel fail them first. That those who didn't believe because they were never shown love from him only thought so because their guardian was negligent. But as Jinki let himself press warmth - the closest to his body as an angel could manage - against the boys back, he realized that the Lord was not who he claimed to be. Because God did not love Taemin. God did not make him feel cherished and unique and God did not treat him like something holy himself. Jinki wondered how God could claim to be just what Taemin was and yet still treat him with distaste. The Lord did not love Taemin any more than how he pretended to love everyone else. 

On Taemin's 19th birthday, Jinki lost his wings. And Jinki can't say it came as a surprise. 

Though these years of watching over the boy Jinki had realized the love the pulled at his heart so was not the love the Lord approved of. He was not dedicated to the boy and he did not love him the way one loved the Lord and the way the Lord loved his children. No, Jinki adored Taemin. With every ounce of his being Jinki adored him. He had loved him the way one would love their husband or wife, the way an angel was forbidden to love. And secrets like these could not be hidden from an all knowing deity. 

The only shred of evidence Jinki held to prove the Lord was at least a small bit merciful was that he gave fallen angels a purpose. Instead of placing them on earth with no direction angels took on lives as if the world hadn't spent a day without them before. Jinki was given a home and a job and a physical body, stripped of the holy extremities of his wings and halo to open his eyes to a wood panelled ceiling and the spinning fan that hung from it. Jinki was given a home on the day Taemin lost his. 

He was sitting on the curb in front of a coffee shop he didn't even have a dime to spend in. Small knees knocking together as Jinki's heart melted to finally find him. And on earth Taemin was so much more greater than from the heavens. He stood up to meet Jinki exactly, still prideful in himself despite losing everything. Taemin was larger than life itself. Still skinny and elegant looking Jinki somehow felt intimidated. A disciple of God afraid of His own creation. 

Taemin's hands wrapped around of warm cup of coffee he originally refused to let the elder buy for him. Don't take pity on me, Jinki was sure he thought this. Now unable to hear what Taemin was thinking or praying Jinki was left only with assumptions. Left with the humanly task of convincing the boy who's trust had been broken countless times before that he would be good to him - to convince him to trust him and let him take him in because Jinki knew this is what Taemin needed. And perhaps a shred of holiness still clung to Jinki's being because the moment he lay his hands on him - a gingerly placed palm on the boys back as he comforted, "It's okay to need help." Jinki assured him, to which the boy replied for the first time that day without a confident answer, but this time, a sob, and agreed to let Jinki take him under his wing. A proverbial wing that is. And Taemin came home with him. 

Taemin had found out Jinki had been an angel early on in their relationship. If he knew he himself was the reason the man who grew to become his lover was here with him in this moment, Jinki wasn't sure, but he knew of his past, and was nothing but kind towards him because of it. 

Love blossomed organically from where Jinki was afraid it never would. Holding all these feelings in his heart for all his life Jinki was afraid Taemin would be put off if he found out, but the knowledge that Jinki loved him only encouraged Taemin to grow and love him more. To take first steps with him as the sun finally shone on him and nobody else, finally out of the darkness where nobody had taken his love for the Lord as a reason to love him. Out of where nobody treated Taemin with the respect he deserved to where he found himself with arms around his waist in Jinki's overly cramped kitchen. Taemin had left a world that never loved him to be with the one who's world was only him, and that was a good thing. 

The first time they made love Taemin had wanted to ask about the scars - Jinki could tell. He knew where they were from but wanted to know more, just as much as Jinki would have about Taemin's if he hadn't watched over him for so many years, but neither made a sound. Instead Taemin pressed his lips against Jinki's mortal body, somehow heavier, with more tension without his wings - pressed kissed against where they use to extend out of his body as a blessing, as forgiveness for the disobedience that led Jinki to be cast down to earth. As Taemin pulled his arms around Jinki's scarred back and pressed his body to Jinki's he felt as though this was the only blessing either deserved - to be with each other this close. Their mouths together as their bodies rocked into one entity and Taemin said his prayers directly to the ears of the one who always listened, the one he knew would take them to heart and give him what he so asked for. Taemin finally felt heard - Taemin finally felt loved. And perhaps that was God's plan all along. 

Though all the turmoil Jinki had been through himself and everything he had watched his beloved go though it seems hard to believe that all of this - all the pain and all the trouble was a part of a plan. That Jinki wasn't meant to be an angel but meant to fall in love with the one person the Lord had neglected the most. The two lay in the grassy field behind Jinki's small home, staring up at the sky and the white clouds as if nothing better to do had come along. And Jinki let himself breath for the first time. Inhaled the scent of the late summer air and of Taemin who lie next to him. Closed his eyes to a breeze and to the feeling of his one true love pressing his body next to his with a giggle. And what culminated with all of this - was the realization that Jinki was never an angel, but the one he had been watching over was. 

And when Jinki opened his eyes to see round big black eyes staring back at him, still benevolent as they were as a newborn, he now saw love bleeding out of them. Love not for God, but for him. For the one who loved him from the very beginning and the one who worked his hardest to make him feel the way he did in this exact moment. A plan from God, Jinki was sure. And he counted his blessings. 

"What are you smiling at?" The divine asked. 

"You." Answered Jinki, palm against the cheek of his blessing. "My angel."

\- END -


End file.
